[Full Story] 😮 I know I'm a lesbian, but I will never tell my husband.I've known since I was 12.It was church camp, there was a thunderstorm, and a girl from my cabin grabbed my hand.My whole chest lit up.I knew right then.I also knew I could never say it. I grew up in a small town where church was everything.My mom prayed for those people at dinner.When I was 15, my cousin came out.My dad took his picture off the wall that night.We don't say his name anymore, so I bear. I met my husband in youth group when we were 14.He was the quiet kid who saved me a seat when I got my first job.He drove me there every day for a year.He never asked for gas money.He was my best friend long before he was anything else. When I was 20, he asked me out in a diner parking lot.He was shaking.He was kind.He was safe.I said, yes.I told myself.Love could be Learned.When I told my mom, she hugged me so hard it hurt.She said, thank god.I was starting to worry about you.I never forgot that we got married.A year later, my mom cried happy tears. I cried too, not the same kind.On our honeymoon, I locked myself in the hotel bathroom.I turn on the fan so he wouldn't hear me.I cried for an hour.When I came out, he was facing the wall, breathing slow.I thought he slept through it.That became my thing, bathroom fan on five minutes. Then back to my life.And here's the hard part.It's a good life.Fourteen years and four kids later, he's still my best friend.He warms up my car in the winter.He Learned.I braid our daughter's hair from videos. Every Saturday, he makes the kids pancakes shaped like states.He always tries Texas.It always comes out as a blob. He always says the same thing.Texas is really hard to pour the kids grown.I laugh every single time.He never pushes me either.If I say I'm tired, he kisses my forehead and rolls over, no sighing, no guilt. I used to think I just got lucky.But I don't feel what a wife should feel.I never have.He looks at me like I hung the moon.I look at him like a brother I'd die for.He deserves better than that.I know he does. One night, after our third baby, we were both up at 3:00am.He was rocking her out of nowhere.He said, you know, you can tell me anything, right?My heart stopped.I said, I know.Then I went back to bed.I've never cheated. I never will.Two years ago, a new mom joined the PTA.She laughed at all my jokes.My chest lit up like that thunderstorm.I quit the PTA the next week. I'm a stay at home mom.I haven't had a job since I was 22.I don't have a dollar of my own.If I say it out loud, I lose my parents, my church, maybe my kids.I saw what happened to my cousin. Funny thing about my cousin.Last Christmas, I found a stamped card in my husband's truck.It was addressed to him.Turns out, my husband sends him a birthday card every year.He never told my parents.I asked him why, he shrugged and said, somebody should.So I play my part.I pack his lunch, I hold his hand at church.I play it. Well, then last month, it got too heavy.My oldest is 12 now, the same #StoryTime #Confession #LGBTQ #FYP #EmotionalStory - @redditstories9595