mimi💫 :
my sister was the one who was pressured by my parents to do better, which is why i always felt bad when I felt drained and pressured in school, I saw my parents expectations, especially my dad, so I set hgih expectations for myself, and I feel bad whenever I get envious if someone does better than me at something that I know how to do, I always feel like my maximum is always someones minimum and now I feel last place in everything, music, talent, looks, personality, the only thing I have right now is my grades, and I fear that if I mess that up, there will be nothing interesting about me, I have been copying other people mannerisms and personality since grade 4 and I have always felt awkward or unnatural because I never knew how to act natural unless I was copying someone elses personality, I copy so many actions that I just choose what kind of person I want to be for the day depending on mood, U feel like I should talk to my parents or someone about it, but Im scared to even open up to close friends because they might see me differently after opening up ir think that im too dramatic, everytime I get close to opening up, I always remember that someone has it worse than me so I just shut up. I feel so small and so stupid for even thinking that the person I live wouldnt juat get bored of me after a month, everday I feel so drained and tired and I have almost no motivation to do anything, on some days, even if im in public or having a good day, I feel like crying and breaking down and just crying in someines arms, the worzt part is that i feel guilty for only picturing my adviser in school or the guidance comforting me instead of my parents because they would probably just turn my pain into a competition. Im just so tired and it just feels like im getting by not really living the life
2026-10-15 15:48:40