@shmandle: “I love you so much my heart exploded” that’s the first thing i said to my brother when he came to check on me after i passed out mid speech because my heart started beating out of rhythm and my ICD kicked on and shocked me back to normal rhythm. this is very hard to write, especially after going a few months home free. i thought we did it. i thought my doctors had prescribed the right medicine, i thought giving up breastfeeding would help, i thought i was giving my body enough of a break to heal. I was wrong. this weekend was another reminder that i need to learn to listen to my body. it was another reminder that life is short. another reminder that i am not safe, and my fight is not over. i typically (like everyone else) use instagram/tiktok as a highlight reel, and i only like to post stuff that makes me and others happy. but i feel compelled to remind everyone the life i’m actually living now. not to complain, but to explain. and not that i should have to- because i know i don’t owe anyone an explanation pretty much ever again- but i just want to remind everyone to give each other grace in hard times, myself included. if you’ve stuck around this long- thank you for being here and for giving me the grace i so desperately need. if i’ve recently said “no” to attending something or cancelled trips or plans last minute for reasons that you don’t understand or simply because “i don’t feel good”, thank you for understanding. i know on the outside i look fine- because i typically am, and I try- fuck do I try, to be strong for my husband and baby. but this sickness? condition? whatever it is is something that can happen and be over in a solid 15 seconds. this is the fifth time i’ve been so wonderfully been gifted another chance at this life, and believe me when i say i do not take it lightly. my heart stopped in the middle of arguably the most important day of my brother’s life. his wedding day. there was nothing i could do to prepare for or stop it. but yet again, i’m just happy my fight didn’t end that day and i can learn from it and move forward. austin + maddie, i love you so much my heart literally exploded. you two had the most magical day and i’m so thankful and blessed you invited me to be apart of it. i know now i haven’t been the only one whose ever passed out at a wedding and i’m sure i won’t be the last. heheh all of this to say, don’t give a speech at your brothers wedding. cause you will die. and lastly LOVE EACHOTHER SO MUCH IT KILLS YOU. thank god i came back for the 5th time. 💀🤣🤍

amanda sii

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Monday 28 September 2026 23:11:58 GMT