@pokecate: not my normal video, but i really really hope this resonates for anyone. this is something i’ve carried most of my life and i think talking about him like this for the first time can actually be healing for me. i’m angry and sad and i feel alone in it even though i KNOW i’m not. i struggle to feel valid in my pain. i’ve always discredited my struggles and i think it’s kept me from truly reaching a point of healing. i never thought i’d film something these vulnerable. when you lose someone, life keeps moving forward, but you can keep their spirit alive within you. i see ryan everywhere, everyday. i live my life and not a day goes by without him. every dragonfly and every coin on the floor is him saying hello. for all of you who have felt anything remotely similar, i hope you give yourself space to feel the feelings. i’ll be back smiling for you guys soon. thanks for listening. and rest in peace to ryan, avery and all the other strong children who have fought cancer. 🤍

pokécate ⋆˙⟡
pokécate ⋆˙⟡
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Tuesday 29 September 2026 01:36:26 GMT
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brittdaycake
Brittdaycake ⊹˖✧ :
the very last thing you should feel is embarrassed. this is incredibly vulnerable of you to show even just a part of your grief with the world. I’m so sorry about your cousin, and I know we all are feeling what you’re feeling for Avery. I’m not good with words and dont know the right things to say when it comes to heavy topics like death, but just know you arent alone in feeling what you’re feeling. and sometimes just letting it out, even on an outlet as big as the internet, helps even if only a little
2026-09-29 01:53:21
167
hi_i_am_junior
🇲🇽Junior愛✝️ :
sorry for your loss
2026-09-29 01:42:31
291
vscore_4
R :
Not the time
2026-09-29 11:19:09
67
ellie.sheffield3
elliesheffield :
Just know that you are strong just because you had the courage to communicate these emotions in order to help others.
2026-09-29 01:44:32
41
yunaversetcg
Yuna :
ilysm cate 😭🫶🏼 your raw feelings are so important and thank you for being vulnerable enough to share this with us
2026-09-29 08:20:57
22
fuckthisshittbh
Luma🌙✨ :
With the loss of your friend and Avery and having a son of your own, I can only imagine all the different heartbreaks and hardships you’re going through right now. Grief is love with no where to go. You are so strong, remember to be kind to yourself🫶
2026-09-29 03:23:00
2
sonialovespoke
sonialovespoke :
Thank you for sharing this. We love you and I’m so sorry. ❤️‍🩹
2026-09-29 01:42:25
456
mellona13
Mel :
My cousin and I grew up extremely close because we were the same age. Birthday parties together when our families were small, and my cousins and I get together minimum of 4 times a year. He was unexpectedly taken from us in 2023, just a month and a half before his 21st birthday. While not in the same circumstances, grief is so hard and truly sneaks up on you in the most random moments. I miss him so much and got a tattoo in memory of him. He will always be with me. I’m sending you so much love through this journey because the grief is so so so hard. I will always feel that esp knowing I’ve been able to continue to grow old when he has been unable. I do not know you but I know how difficult it can be <333
2026-09-29 02:40:36
41
the.vets.wife
MrsManley :
Thank you for sharing, that’s really important. My children’s father committed suicide following an incident that took the life of his fellow firefighters. He couldn’t overcome the guilt that he was left with not being on service that night. I can tell you that your young son deserves to have you here for all of the fabulous things he’s going to do. He deserves to have you fully present and invested in his future
2026-09-29 03:03:17
74
user361122792
Don’t worry about ME :
Don’t listen too any of the haters do what you think is right we love you
2026-09-29 01:42:37
35
sof3azzz
Sof3azzz :
Stay strong cate 🫶🏻🫶🏻thanks for sharing this story it really helps other love you cate 🫶🏻
2026-09-29 09:16:56
23
a4r0nhi
a4r0nhi :
I don’t think this is a good time to ask for 30th celebration… I’m sorry for your loss… god bless u.
2026-09-29 02:33:51
13
richard975311
Richard :
I appreciate you sharing this story about Ryan. It took courage to do that. ❤️
2026-09-29 01:58:33
7
mgrohoman
mgrohoman :
Stay strong Pokecate!! Time eventually heals all wounds
2026-09-29 01:57:01
14
rintaros_gf
noe♡ :
thank you for trusting us and being vulnerable with your emotions and feelings. sharing what you went through will help those who are also struggling with that same or similar feeling. you’re so amazing cate, and i hope you know the impact you’re making💞
2026-10-01 18:59:10
1
justmeandmycouch
Jane Doe|Taylor's Version🇨🇦 :
I lost one of a lifelong friends to cancer at the age of 40. 8 years ago. I've known him since I was 13. His name was also Ryan. I am so very sorry for your loss.
2026-10-03 03:26:14
0
sadpokedadviet
sadpokedadviet :
Don’t feel embarrassed for sharing your grief and your feelings. Grief is hard and it’s even harder when you’re alone. You’ve got a community behind you and we’re all here for you ♥️
2026-09-29 02:50:17
8
katszie_
kat :
im so sorry cate 💔
2026-09-29 01:59:42
17
linken.t
Linken T :
you are so very strong for being able to speak and post this. I have been in a similar situation, not at all saying I know how you feel. I can be here for every time I see you down. stay strong and if you can't express your anger I like Journaling or doing combat sports. You are stronger than you feel or know. we can all we that.
2026-09-29 02:01:06
6
the.asian.korean
The Asian Korean :
Geometry dash reference👌👌👌
2026-09-29 01:39:55
6
gigilovesoccer8
Gigi✝️🩷6543 :
😭😭😭 my cousin died before I was born
2026-10-02 02:13:37
1
burdenedplatinum
Leafy <3 :
I'm going through stomach cancer right now, and it's my fault I'm dealing with it, I've never really cared for if I didn't feel good, I'd downplay it or just shrug it off, I could've prevented it and had it surgically removed but I just chopped it up to food poisoning and I feel horrible for going through this without a will to live while beautiful souls like avery are taken by it aswell, the way you talk about ryannis beautiful and he sounds like he was amazing, I'm sure he's watching over you happy to see you, walli, your son, all in the same hobby pushing and helping eachother, you're doing it all in his memory and I'm so proud of you.<3
2026-09-30 03:14:33
4
brodie.bowe
️     ️ :
I’m so sorry for your loss
2026-09-29 07:11:34
0
thethickestbiscuit
biszcuii :
thank you
2026-09-29 09:03:07
1
peachybu222
peachybu222 :
Sending you so much love 🥺💗
2026-09-29 06:33:16
2
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