@3ammama: i’m 4 weeks postpartum and this one hurt more than I expected it to. My best friend posted a picture from a bar tonight. Nothing crazy. Just drinks, people, normal life happening. And my immediate thought was: I wish she’d asked me to come. Then almost immediately I corrected myself. I probably wouldn’t have gone. The baby has been unpredictable tonight. I’m exhausted. I’m still not totally comfortable leaving him for very long. None of my clothes fit the way they used to. I would’ve spent half the night checking my phone anyway. But I still wanted her to ask. I know that probably doesn’t make sense unless you’ve been here. I don’t necessarily want to go out. I just don’t want everyone to assume that I don’t. I don’t want motherhood to quietly remove me from the group chat. I don’t want people making the decision for me because “she has a baby now.” I don’t want to open Instagram and realize everyone I love is together while I’m sitting in a dark nursery at 11pm. And the worst part is, I KNOW my friend wasn’t trying to hurt me. She probably thought she was being considerate. Maybe she thought I was tired. Maybe she thought I’d say no. Maybe she thought inviting me would make me feel pressured. Maybe she assumed I couldn’t get a sitter. All completely reasonable things. But somehow it still got me. Because postpartum has this weird way of making you feel like the entire world kept moving while your life stopped in one tiny room. Everyone is going to dinner. Going to work. Getting drinks. Sleeping through the night. Making spontaneous plans. And I’m measuring my day in feeds. 2:10. 4:45. 7:30. Diaper. Nap. Feed. Rock. Repeat. I love my baby more than I knew it was possible to love another human. And I also miss myself. Both things can be true. So I posted about it anonymously. Basically: “4 weeks postpartum. Best friend is at a bar rn. She didn’t invite me bc she knows I can’t. That’s what got me.” I wasn’t looking for somebody to tell me my friend sucks. She doesn’t. I wasn’t looking for advice. I just needed someone to understand why something so small made me cry. Then a mom from Canada replied. She said: “I understand how this feels. It’s hard to know that a part of you / your old life is over. At least for now.” And THAT was it. That was exactly what I couldn’t explain. It’s not really about the bar. It’s not about the drink. It’s not even about being invited. It’s grieving this version of yourself you didn’t realize you’d miss until everyone else was still living the life you used to have. Nobody warns you about that part. Everyone talks about how your life changes when you have a baby. They don’t talk enough about the tiny moments when you actually FEEL that change. Seeing your friends somewhere without you. Realizing you haven’t left the house alone in days. Watching your partner casually run an errand and feeling jealous because they can just…leave. Looking at clothes in your closet that belonged to a person you were literally a month ago. Missing her. Then feeling guilty because you’re so grateful for the person who replaced her. Motherhood is weird like that. You can be happier than you’ve ever been and homesick for your old life at the exact same time. Neither feeling cancels out the other. So I wrote “Thank you” back to this mom in Canada. That was it. Two words to someone I’ve never met. But I meant them. Because sometimes you don’t need someone to fix the feeling. You just need someone to name it. And maybe tonight I’ll still be home. Maybe I’ll still be feeding a baby while my friends order another round. But knowing there’s another mom somewhere who understands exactly why that hurts makes this little room feel a lot less lonely. 💛 And to my friends: Please keep inviting me. I might say no 9 times out of 10 right now. I still want to know you wanted me there. #mom #baby #momlife #MomsofTikTok #momtok
