@1aeky: TW - SA It’s kind of funny that the name we use for anonymous female victims of crimes is doe. Not funny in the comedic sense but funny because what sometimes happens when we are victims of SA or other abuse is we fawn. We placate. We flatter. We appease our abusers. We pretend as if all is well and good. We act needless. Why? Because blending in and putting on a mask - pushing your own feelings aside sometimes feels necessary to not warrant further abuse. Especially when the person/people are close to you or to family. This is a learned skill that I didn’t know I had become adept at. I pushed everything away, to the side, until much later in my adulthood. Which is not healthy but it did feel safer than dealing with it as a child. Fawning bled its way into my early romantic relationships, into friendships, it continued through my relationships with family too. It kept me safe at the time. It keeps me safe sometimes even today. I am grateful for it in a way… but there was a fair amount of anger and bitterness I had towards myself about not speaking up sooner, not being able to gather evidence sooner. We had no way to document back then in the same way we do now. Not being able to communicate even if I were asked about it as a child because I was smart enough to know what the consequences would be. I was afraid of not being believed. I was sick over how people treated me, what behaviours that sparked in me and how I ended up treating others - all of this in a child’s brain under the age of 12. Today I am grateful that I am believed. Maybe not by everybody, maybe not by the legal system (I never pursued it) or even some of my family, but by the people who make me feel less alone. All of the incidents still affect me today in more ways than I can count. The incidents have stopped but sometimes it feels like they’re sitting right there on my shoulder for everyone to see. Which makes me want to have an hour long shower and stay in my bed. To not see the sun. Everyday you’re here is an act of bravery and resistance to the people who told you ‘it’s all in your head’ ‘think about how it will affect HIM’ - FK HIM FK THAT. Those men deserve every piece of karma, sticks and stones in their shoes for the rest of their days. You deserve the sun. Infact you are the sun. And everything good in this world. Because you made it through despite all odds. If no one has told you this today, I’m so proud of you. 🫀

1aeky 🪞

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Region: NZ

Sunday 04 October 2026 22:07:56 GMT