A.A.M. SOUNDAS :
In the beginning God created sound! And god saw that the sound was good! The breath of new life. The hum of the earth, the first laugh that broke free from adam's rib.
Somewhere between Eden and exile, between paradise and plunder the sound split, when the snake spoke, that was the first evil sound, now... not all sound is good.
When they tell my father his English is so good, we laugh!
When my mother tells me another patient refuses to be touched by her, we laugh!
When they ask me if I go by name that is easier to pronounce, we laugh!
I used to think, the laughter I responded with, was a good sound, a way to keep the peace.
* I laugh to say "I am not a threat",
* I laugh to say "do not be afraid",
* I laugh to dull the edges of my body, soften the blade they already think I am.
I laugh not for a lack of words, but because I have seen how a shaking voice is mistaken for the growl of a predator when they have already decided we are something to be hunted most days.
I do not know if my laughter is a consequence of my joy or just a poor attempt to look less like a weapon, most days I do not speak up, for I know anger on this skin does not wear forgiveness.
I do not know how to stop the laughter that erupts out of me in moment of discomfort, I do know a quiet mouth can stop a war, but nobody tells you how much blood it takes to silence a battlefield, I am learning!
That not all laughter is a good sound, sometimes it is just a mask, a cracking facade held together by the weight of a paper thin smile sometimes I am my own Judas.
* With every laugh, licensing my own burial.
* With every laugh, handing them a shovel and calling it grace,
I remember the last supper of my pride. When I laughed at a joke that shattered me in ways I cannot describe, I am still breaking bread with that moment, still sipping wine through the straw of my own cowering backbone so many times.
We have taken their violence, made a coffin for it in our laughter, buried it so deep pleading with our flesh to absorb the impact of the blow and I do wonder if this is what it means to burst into laughter, to have been stuffed so full of grief we turn confetti.
So we may at least call ourselves 🥰
2026-10-05 23:23:39