@scott.austin.martin: The Gottman Four Horsemen give us useful language for patterns that drain connection: Criticism. Contempt. Defensiveness. Stonewalling. And the antidotes matter. But here is where relationship work can stop too soon. You can know you are supposed to stay curious instead of defensive. You can know you are supposed to make a gentler start instead of criticizing. You can know you are supposed to stay engaged instead of shutting down. And still not be able to do it when the moment gets intense. Not because the strategy is wrong. Because your nervous system may not currently have access to it. What if defensiveness is trying to protect you from shame? What if shutting down happens when you become overwhelmed? What if contempt is armor over years of unresolved hurt? Now we are underneath the behavior. Do not only ask, “What should I do differently?” Ask, “What happens inside me that makes doing what I already know so difficult?” Identify the wound. Identify the protection strategy. Recognize activation. Build the capacity to stay present. Then practice the relational skill. Knowing the antidote matters. But you still need a nervous system capable of accessing it when it matters. Find Capacity in my bio. #relationships #menscoach #relationshiptips #communicationtips #nervoussystem

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Wednesday 07 October 2026 22:09:21 GMT