@psa_txo7: #60fps #Tiktok #fyp

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Friday 09 October 2026 05:46:26 GMT
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The fight ends and nobody says anything for three days. You make coffee, you answer their text about the dentist appointment, you both act normal. And then something small happens on Thursday and you're right back in it, saying the same lines you said last time. That's the loop. It has a shape, and once you can see the shape, you stop blaming the person standing in front of you. One of you moves toward. You ask if things are okay, you bring it up again, you want to finish the conversation tonight. The other one moves away. They go flat, they say it isn't a big deal, they take a phone call in the other room. Neither move is the villain here. The reaching is fear of losing the connection. The pulling back is usually fear of making things worse. Both of you are trying to protect the same relationship, and the moves cancel each other out. Emotionally Focused Therapy, which informs a lot of how I work, calls this the pursue withdraw cycle. What helps the couples I sit with is catching the cycle out loud while it's still happening.
The fight ends and nobody says anything for three days. You make coffee, you answer their text about the dentist appointment, you both act normal. And then something small happens on Thursday and you're right back in it, saying the same lines you said last time. That's the loop. It has a shape, and once you can see the shape, you stop blaming the person standing in front of you. One of you moves toward. You ask if things are okay, you bring it up again, you want to finish the conversation tonight. The other one moves away. They go flat, they say it isn't a big deal, they take a phone call in the other room. Neither move is the villain here. The reaching is fear of losing the connection. The pulling back is usually fear of making things worse. Both of you are trying to protect the same relationship, and the moves cancel each other out. Emotionally Focused Therapy, which informs a lot of how I work, calls this the pursue withdraw cycle. What helps the couples I sit with is catching the cycle out loud while it's still happening. "I think we're in our loop again. Can we stop and try this one differently?" It sounds almost too small to matter. It works because it puts the pattern in the middle of the room where you can both look at it. And you're allowed to be tired of being the one who notices it first. If you want to know which side of the loop you tend to land on, my free attachment quiz is at the link in my bio. #pursuerwithdrawer #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #relationshipadvice #marriageadvice #couplesconflict This is relationship education, not therapy, and nothing here creates a therapist-client relationship. I read what I can, but I can't reply to everyone and may not see your message. If you're struggling, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional in your area.

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