@og.danii_: My little brother, Chance. It hasn’t even been three months since I lost my little brother, but somehow it feels like I’ve lived an entire lifetime without him. And the hardest part is that sometimes I don’t feel like I’ve moved forward at all. Some days, I swear I’m still standing at that podium at his funeral. Still trying to find the strength to speak about my little brother in the past tense. Still trying to understand how I was standing in front of a room full of people talking about the life of someone who was supposed to have so much more of it.I’m still standing there staring at him in that casket. That image has never left me. I remember looking at him and wanting so desperately for none of it to be real. Wanting him to just get up. Wanting one more chance to hear his voice, to hug him, to tell him how much I loved him. I remember standing there knowing that no amount of crying, begging, praying, or loving him could bring him back. I think that’s a pain I’ll carry for the rest of my life. Because I was his big sister. somewhere deep inside me, there’s a part of me that still believes I should have been able to save him.I know I can’t change what happened. I know I can’t go back. But God, if I could, I would go back a thousand times just to find the one moment where I could have made a difference. The one moment where maybe I could have protected him. Where maybe I could have changed the ending to his story.He was only eighteen. Just beginning to live. There were so many things he hadn’t experienced, so many places he hadn’t been, so many versions of himself he never got the chance to become. that makes me angry. It breaks my heart in ways I don’t even have the words to explain. People see that the funeral is over. That life has continued. That I’m still getting up, going to work, taking care of my responsibilities, and finding reasons to smile. But what they don’t see is that a part of me is still standing in that funeral home. A part of me never walked away from that casket. A part of me is still the big sister looking down at her baby brother, trying to understand how she’s supposed to leave him there. I don’t think people understand how cruel grief can be. How the world can keep moving while yours is frozen in the worst moment of your life. How you can laugh one minute and feel your heart breaking all over again the next. How you can miss someone so much that it physically hurts to exist in a world where they no longer do. I don’t just miss my brother. I miss the future he was supposed to have.I miss knowing he was somewhere in this world. I miss the comfort of believing there would always be another conversation, another holiday, another birthday, another chance to tell him I loved him. I grieve the little boy he used to be, the young man he was becoming, and the man I’ll never get to meet. And maybe one of the hardest things about losing Chance is knowing that I’ll keep getting older, but he never will. I’ll spend the rest of my life remembering him as a little boy.I wish I could have saved you, Chance. God knows I do. I wish my love could have been enough to keep you here. I wish being your big sister meant I had the power to protect you from everything this world could do to you. I would have carried your pain if it meant you got to keep your life. I hope, wherever you are, you know that. I hope you know how deeply you were loved. How desperately you are missed. How much of me went with you that day.I stood at your funeral and somehow found the strength to speak for you. But what nobody knows is that, in so many ways, I’m still standing there.Still looking at you.Still wishing I could save you.Still trying to figure out how to live the rest of my life without my little brother.

og.danii_

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Friday 09 October 2026 14:22:19 GMT