@pokmungfishing: Memang betul2 rasa dia macam bukan air kosong #zerocal #pokmungreview

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Wednesday 14 October 2026 12:22:52 GMT

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I don’t like the term “happy” and struggle to use it as something to describe myself since Bryan died 3 years ago. Do I have happy times and moments of joy? Absolutely. But not a day goes by that isn’t affected by my loss/his death in some way. Is it the constant on my mind like when he first died? No. But SO many things are challenging because of his death or him not being here. Will I ever be “happy” again? I don’t know. The thing I struggle with most right now is that our life together feels like an illusion. Our time together is getting further and further away. When I watch videos of him or us, I am afraid that I am going to forget what it was like. Forget what his hands felt like, or his hair between my fingers. His voice and his laugh. I know it’s my brain protecting me, but it’s still terrifying. I never want to forget him. And at the same time, I am trying to live life fully without him here. I know that is exactly what he would want me to do. “Go big or go home,” as he always said. I want to honor him and his memory and make him proud. But also live a life - this life - for me. One where I don’t feel guilty about moving forward and accepting things as they are. This version of life is much more peaceful. There’s aspects from our life together that I’ll never go back to - like being a pastry chef. I prioritize my well-being more than I ever did before, as well as being present and really appreciating the small things and moments with the people that matter. Silver linings I suppose. But how do you continue to find the balance? #grief #griefjourney #griefandloss #widowsoftiktok #widow #griefandhealing #grieftok #griefislove #widowed

I don’t like the term “happy” and struggle to use it as something to describe myself since Bryan died 3 years ago. Do I have happy times and moments of joy? Absolutely. But not a day goes by that isn’t affected by my loss/his death in some way. Is it the constant on my mind like when he first died? No. But SO many things are challenging because of his death or him not being here. Will I ever be “happy” again? I don’t know. The thing I struggle with most right now is that our life together feels like an illusion. Our time together is getting further and further away. When I watch videos of him or us, I am afraid that I am going to forget what it was like. Forget what his hands felt like, or his hair between my fingers. His voice and his laugh. I know it’s my brain protecting me, but it’s still terrifying. I never want to forget him. And at the same time, I am trying to live life fully without him here. I know that is exactly what he would want me to do. “Go big or go home,” as he always said. I want to honor him and his memory and make him proud. But also live a life - this life - for me. One where I don’t feel guilty about moving forward and accepting things as they are. This version of life is much more peaceful. There’s aspects from our life together that I’ll never go back to - like being a pastry chef. I prioritize my well-being more than I ever did before, as well as being present and really appreciating the small things and moments with the people that matter. Silver linings I suppose. But how do you continue to find the balance? #grief #griefjourney #griefandloss #widowsoftiktok #widow #griefandhealing #grieftok #griefislove #widowed

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