@bsnnetworktoday: 🚨 BSN BREAKING NEWS 🚨 TRUMP OFFICIALLY CONFIRMED AS MOST ABUSED PERSON IN RECORDED HUMAN HISTORY, SOURCES CLOSE TO TRUMP CONFIRM WASHINGTON, D.C., historians were forced to emergency-reconvene Thursday after President Donald J. Trump made a declaration so seismic it required an immediate rewrite of every suffering-related textbook currently in circulation. The President, in characteristically humble fashion, noted that he has probably been abused more than anybody in the history of our country. Experts are already calling it the most courageous act of self-awareness since Lincoln admitted the hat was a bit much. The statement, delivered with the quiet dignity of a man who has truly seen it all, sent shockwaves through the academic community. 🦅 Scholars specializing in historical trauma reportedly spent the better part of the afternoon cross-referencing centuries of documented suffering before reluctantly conceding that two impeachments, some mean tweets about his hair, and a New York courtroom do in fact constitute a level of persecution previously uncharted by modern science. The announcement has not been without controversy. Several other groups attempted to submit competing claims, but sources close to the situation confirmed their paperwork was denied on procedural grounds. The suffering rankings, experts note, are determined by a highly sophisticated metric that weighs cable news coverage, social media pile-ons, and the number of times a man has had to sit through his own criminal trial while technically still running the free world. NEW YORK, grief counselors were placed on standby as citizens processed the news. One passerby, asked for comment, stared directly into the camera for eleven seconds before walking away without a word. Officials say this is a normal reaction. #trump #whitehouse #maga

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Thursday 15 October 2026 15:04:31 GMT