@riskafebr9: #animate

Riskafebr9
Riskafebr9
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Friday 16 October 2026 01:08:26 GMT
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Healing doesn’t always mean you’re finished healing. Yesterday, I heard my ex speak in court for the first time in a long while. I was on Zoom, which gave me a little distance from the moment. Still, hearing his voice brought up a lot of mixed emotions. He sounded soft-spoken, almost childlike. I could picture him sitting with his head down, rubbing his hands—the familiar way he carried himself when I felt he was trying to influence how people saw him. I could hear what sounded like tiredness in his voice, too. After years with someone, you learn their patterns. Sometimes you recognize them before you can even explain what you’re noticing. I wondered if he knew I was there and was trying to show me a softer version of himself—the version I used to see when he wanted me to believe he had changed. That thought made me ask myself: How was I with this man for twelve years? It felt almost like I had never been in that relationship. It has been five years since we separated, and I’m grateful for how much I’ve grown. But I’m also realizing that some of the trauma is still there, waiting to be understood and healed. Some people hold on to their version of events for a long time. Even when they seem exhausted or defeated, they may keep fighting because they believe you wronged them. They may repeat a story that makes them the victim and leaves out the emotional and verbal abuse, the games, and the harm they caused. It can feel as if they’re trapped in a false narrative they’ve told themselves and others. And even when the relationship is over, healing doesn’t happen on a schedule. You may think you’ve moved past something, then a conversation or a memory brings tears you weren’t expecting. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means there may still be something inside you that needs care. I think about my dog, who came to us after being mistreated. I’ve had him for four years. He’s afraid of men and reacts when feet come near him, and I can only imagine what he went through before he was safe with us. The first year was hard. When he felt overwhelmed, he’d retreat to a room to be alone. If I tried to hug or pet him, he’d pull away. It seemed like he didn’t know what to do with love yet. Now he nudges my arm when he wants affection, flops onto me, and tries to kiss my face. He’s learned, little by little, that he’s safe here. People can need that time, too. After years of being hurt, you may need time to trust yourself, to understand your reactions, and to feel safe with others again. Please give yourself grace. You don’t have to be “over it” just because time has passed. You are learning to experience the world again. Not everyone will be safe, but safe people do exist. Healing can take time—and you deserve the patience, gentleness, and love it takes. #narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #divorce #control #lies
Healing doesn’t always mean you’re finished healing. Yesterday, I heard my ex speak in court for the first time in a long while. I was on Zoom, which gave me a little distance from the moment. Still, hearing his voice brought up a lot of mixed emotions. He sounded soft-spoken, almost childlike. I could picture him sitting with his head down, rubbing his hands—the familiar way he carried himself when I felt he was trying to influence how people saw him. I could hear what sounded like tiredness in his voice, too. After years with someone, you learn their patterns. Sometimes you recognize them before you can even explain what you’re noticing. I wondered if he knew I was there and was trying to show me a softer version of himself—the version I used to see when he wanted me to believe he had changed. That thought made me ask myself: How was I with this man for twelve years? It felt almost like I had never been in that relationship. It has been five years since we separated, and I’m grateful for how much I’ve grown. But I’m also realizing that some of the trauma is still there, waiting to be understood and healed. Some people hold on to their version of events for a long time. Even when they seem exhausted or defeated, they may keep fighting because they believe you wronged them. They may repeat a story that makes them the victim and leaves out the emotional and verbal abuse, the games, and the harm they caused. It can feel as if they’re trapped in a false narrative they’ve told themselves and others. And even when the relationship is over, healing doesn’t happen on a schedule. You may think you’ve moved past something, then a conversation or a memory brings tears you weren’t expecting. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means there may still be something inside you that needs care. I think about my dog, who came to us after being mistreated. I’ve had him for four years. He’s afraid of men and reacts when feet come near him, and I can only imagine what he went through before he was safe with us. The first year was hard. When he felt overwhelmed, he’d retreat to a room to be alone. If I tried to hug or pet him, he’d pull away. It seemed like he didn’t know what to do with love yet. Now he nudges my arm when he wants affection, flops onto me, and tries to kiss my face. He’s learned, little by little, that he’s safe here. People can need that time, too. After years of being hurt, you may need time to trust yourself, to understand your reactions, and to feel safe with others again. Please give yourself grace. You don’t have to be “over it” just because time has passed. You are learning to experience the world again. Not everyone will be safe, but safe people do exist. Healing can take time—and you deserve the patience, gentleness, and love it takes. #narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #divorce #control #lies

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