🌸 :
Most of the time, I find myself meeting people who don't really understand me, people who expect me to do whatever they want without considering how I feel. Some ghost me after sex, while others are only there for fun and never genuinely intend to build something meaningful with me. And the funny thing is, whenever I meet a genuinely good guy who actually wants to love me and treat me right, I somehow end up hurting him, even though that’s never my intention. Sometimes, I just don't feel that attraction, and I can't force myself to feel something that isn't there. It makes me question myself because why is it that the people who hurt me seem to find it so easy, while I end up feeling guilty for hurting someone who never did anything wrong to me? I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me sometimes. Some of my relationships have also ended because of my mental health. When I'm at my lowest, I tend to push people away, not because I don't care about them, but because I'm so used to dealing with everything on my own that having someone stay by my side when I'm struggling feels unfamiliar. I don't know how to let someone see me at my worst without feeling uncomfortable or wanting to distance myself. A part of me wants to be loved, understood, and cared for, but another part of me doesn't know how to accept that love when it finally comes. I'm tired of feeling like I'm either getting hurt by people who don't value me or hurting people who genuinely do. I want a healthy relationship, and I want to be able to love someone without overthinking everything or pushing them away when life gets hard. I'm still trying to understand myself, heal, and figure out why I am the way I am. I don't think I'm a bad person, but sometimes I genuinely feel like I don't know how to be in a relationship, and that hurts too.
2026-10-16 17:13:19