@reddit8989: WHEN I CAME HOME EARLY, MY WIFE'S BOYFRIEND ATTACKED ME WITH A BASEBALL BAT TWENTY‑THREE TIMES. THEY LEFT ME BLEEDING IN THE GARAGE. MY WIFE FILMED IT, LAUGHING. I CRAWLED TO MY PHONE AND CALLED MY COUSIN, WHO WAS AN EX‑MAFIA BOSS, AND WHISPERED, "COUSIN. MAKE THEM VANISH." WHAT HE DID TO THEM WAS WORSE THAN HELL.