@katherinejeffriesauthor: Replying to @Madein🇨🇦1969

Dancesinstarlight :

My toxic narcissistic family tried to antagonize me over my mom passing, my achievements and/or talents. My stepmonster and her son tried to slip something in my drink at thanksgiving so I looked like I was drunk and possibly wrecked my car. That was a wake-up call for me. What you said about getting too comfortable and telling them too much about something good in my life that they could later weaponize is so true. I got tired of having to shield myself 24/7. I am no contact with any of them for 7+ years now.

Loveoff :

I think what bothers me is that I accepted the abuse as normal and that everyone else in the world was just better at dealing with this. and then sometimes inwould talk about it with friends and family and they would act like i was exaggerating and my family would tell me that my mother loved me and it was all just a misunderstanding and then I would cycle back into just hating myself for not being better and not being better at dealing with all the things she would say and do

Mac🍁☃️🥞🏒 :

I had stage 2 hypertension and cortisol was in the 600s in my early twenties. Resting HR was in the 100s.🥲 Finally got my blood pressure back to normal by moving away and blocking them. I still wake up most mornings mid panic attack and have to check their location, to make sure they’re still an 18hr flight away. I’m so scared there’s permanent damage to my physical health, let alone my mental health.😭

creativegirl2711 :

I so strongly identify with what you’re saying. I always had to brace myself for interactions with my mother in particular. Holidays! I hated holidays. I had to brace for humiliations or flat out embarrassments! Going No Contact wasn’t easy but better than bracing to be abused!

Shayna :

The baseball bat is how I described going no contact. “If you stood in a line and at the end of the line you get hit in the head with a baseball bat, do you get back in the line?”

Jennifer Heinrich :

I relate its painful 😒

Carm :

I'm way more uncomfortable if there being really nice than I ever am when there being assholes. I agree,my brain goes over and over about what did I

Neureflections :

If theres one thing you learn, its to identify what scapegoating and reactive abuse looks like. And then you see it everywhere in workplaces, other families, systemically. Its everywhere.

Fatlaughingviking :

What are your favorite hobbies? Do you like being in nature a lot? Curious if our family dynamics would cause familiar coping skills

🌺 Vanessa Hope :

The merry-go-round with baseball bats is a great analogy. Hypervigilance 😢

Sed Bluntly 🚬🦓 :

I called out my Dad's abuse at 40 years old. This Thursday my older brother is getting married. Guess who's NOT invited? Yep, because he used to be the scapegoat and now it's me. Im happy to play this role or to take the title from him because it's better being no contact. Its just super painful to see my siblings choose their abuser and embrace a narcissistic family structure. Im over it and I feel free.

lisaleww55 :

It’s so freeing to be away from all of that! It still baffles me that our families hate us. You realize just how unbalanced your nervous system was when living tgat.

jacquelinewalsh950 :

Yeah! No more bending backwards to handle this sick people 🙌🏼

galmuel :

Isn’t ironic how we all go to therapy to become the “bigger person” so that we can better tolerate them and the abuse (which we did not know was abuse, it was “tough love”) and end up cutting them off because of their abuse? I often think about it.

paulka1989 :

I found my partner at the age of 37 and he fully understands why I went no contact with all my toxic family. I finally don’t have to recover from phonecalls, belittling, lack of communication and support. I can finally cherish the usual peaceful Monday with the family that I created for myself and I will never let the narcissistic one get in touch with me. I only regret that I did it so late in life

Tara D :

All the time!! It’s mentally exhausting

gr8fUl wade :

Since I went no contact many years ago, my entire narcissistic family is now destroying each other trying to pick the next scapegoat, and I’ve heard that if you talk to each one of them individually, everyone else in that family is the scapegoat except for the person you’re talking to, so my departure has greatly increased the chaos, delusion, arrogance, blame, etc., etc. etc. Like I’ve said before, I wish I would’ve gotten the hell out of there 20 years before I actually did, lol!😂😂😂

Tamara P :

It’s like you’re describing the 45 years before I went no contact! Hot tip: if you’re designing an algorithm to call your family members that mimics randomness but that you can follow so you have just a touch of control over when you have to jump through all the hoops? That’s an indicator of a toxic family. Healthy families don’t make you do that. (Hard-won knowledge!!)

Bengel Bahamut Highlights :

Jules :

SAMW

Chester :

it takes me 2 months to get over a conversation

⊱❀⊰ Peaches020 ⊱❀⊰ :

can relate.

MadBanana :

Waking up one day and realizing that your parents are not only abusive and horrible to you, but also have no value to your life at all in terms of contributing anything positive to even start to offset their negativity is so jarring. In my case, I realized that they had failed to satisfy basic parenting requirements when I was a minor so they couldn’t claim that they made sacrifices to guilt me into tolerating them. They caused enough financial harm that it offset the financial cost of raising me. In adulthood, they didn’t contribute anything positive in terms of providing love or financial help when I was struggling, or knowledge/ advice/wisdom that I could benefit from. In essence, they provided zero value and maximum burden on me. Why would I continue to be bled dry while they enjoyed all the benefits, waiting until they died for me to have my turn at living in peace??

Reck :

Mining please PLEASE u eating sis

Spiritual Anarchy :

🔥🔥🔥