@kristinwhite0520: Today, I've been sitting with this realization that healing can be happening even when I'm still afraid to trust it. I'm beginning to notice things settling in my mind. There are moments when the heaviness doesn't feel quite as consuming, when hope starts stirring again, and when I catch a glimpse of what it might feel like to not be fighting so hard. And honestly, a part of me wants to grab hold of those moments and believe that maybe I'm finally turning a corner. Then another part of me hesitates. I've spent so much time in a hard place recently, it's difficult to trust the lighter moments without wondering how long they'll last. You almost become afraid to acknowledge that you're feeling better because you know what it feels like when the heaviness returns. And you don't want to find yourself back in that place, wondering if you've lost all the ground you thought you'd gained. I think about how much pressure I've put on myself to be through this by now. I've created a timeline in my head. An expectation that if things begin to improve, they should continue improving. That if I have a few better days, surely that means the end is getting closer. And underneath it all is this quiet urgency to just be okay again. Then I hear it echo in my soul... Who told you, you had to be okay by now? That deadline wasn't set by God. It was one I created because I'm tired of being in this place. I'm tired of the uncertainty. Tired of not knowing what the next day will feel like. Tired of trying to find my footing in a season that has asked more of me than I sometimes feel I have to give. I have been so focused on getting out of this season, that I have struggled to simply trust God in this season. I'm learning that sitting in a hard place doesn't mean I've surrendered to staying there. Sometimes it means I'm finally learning to stop exhausting myself trying to control when I'll get to leave. I can do the work of healing without demanding that healing happen on my schedule. I can recognize progress without expecting perfection. (And that is hard for someone who has demanded perfection for most of my adult life from myself) I can have a difficult day without deciding that everything is falling apart again. Maybe... I can let myself feel hopeful without being afraid that hope will make the next hard day hurt more. I still don't know how long this season will last. I still have moments when the old fears and thoughts try to creep back in. But I'm beginning to understand that I don't have to live bracing myself for the next hard day, and I don't have to spend every good day wondering if it's going to last. I amnot in control of this timeline. Learning this is probably a part of the healing, too. Learning to loosen my grip on the outcome. Releasing the deadlines I've placed on myself. Allowing hope to take root without demanding that it promise me an easier tomorrow. So today, I want to give myself permission to acknowledge that something is changing without needing to know when everything will finally feel different. And I am taking a huge deep breath as I even type this out... cause even right now that still feels scary. I think it is important for anyone walking through something that is beyond their comprehension; beyond their understanding; beyond their means to grasp the whole picture of the pain and hurt that they have internalized... we don't have to be fully healed to trust that healing is starting to take place. And maybe, just maybe I don't have to know when this season will come to an end in order to know that God is still walking with me through it and working in the midst of it. I can hold both healing and uncertainty. I can trust that God is still at work, even though I don't know how much longer I will be in this place. #griefandhealing #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealthMatters #HealingJourney #GodsTiming

Kristin White

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Region: US

Sunday 18 October 2026 17:18:10 GMT