@beasurvivor18: I think that that is one of the first things you think about when you start learning about how you were a victim of narcissistic abuse. It seems like what you went through was just so crazy and absurd that it wasn't real. Your mine struggles to comprehend how the person you loved and thought loved you was systematically destroying you. But the more you learn about narcissistic abuse and the effects that it has, will help you validate your memories of what happened. And knowing that you are not alone in this struggle will give you the courage to not give up. What you went through was real and hundreds of other people went through it too. You are not alone and can get the help you need to make it to the other side.