To my JoongDunk, I don't even know where to start hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin kayang tanggapin lahat ng nangyari. Kahapon lang, pero bakit parang ang bigat-bigat na agad?I never thought that being a Jaidee would hurt this much. Akala ko, hanggang kilig at happiness lang ako sa ship na 'to, pero hindi ko in-expect na darating yung araw na maiiyak ako dahil kailangan kong tanggapin na hindi na magiging katulad ng dati ang lahat. JoongDunk isn't just a ship to me. They became part of my happiness, my comfort, and my everyday life as a bl fan. Sila yung isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako napapangiti kahit pagod ako, kung bakit excited akong magbukas ng TikTok, at kung bakit paulit-ulit kong pinapanood yung mga edits nila kahit ilang beses ko nang nakita. Their little moments meant so much to me, and I don't think they will ever understand how much happiness they brought into my life. Ang sakit lang kasi, paano ko na panonoorin yung old edits nila nang hindi naiiyak? Paano ako ngingiti kapag nakita ko ulit yung mga videos na dati kong kinikiligang panoorin? Paano ko tatanggapin na things might never be the same again? I know they're real people with their own lives and decisions, and I respect that. Pero kahit naiintindihan ko, hindi ibig sabihin na hindi na ako masasaktan. I'm literally holding back my tears right now because I have an exam today. Gusto ko nang umiyak, gusto ko nang ilabas lahat ng nararamdaman ko, pero kailangan kong pigilan kasi may exam akong kailangang harapin. Ang hirap mag-focus kapag yung isip mo paulit-ulit na bumabalik sa nangyari kahapon. I'm trying to act normal, trying to convince myself that I'm okay, pero deep inside, ang sakit-sakit pa rin. Lord, bakit naman ngayon pa? And honestly, I know that I'm just a fan, and I know that they don't personally know me, pero does that mean my feelings aren't real? Hindi naman, 'di ba? The happiness they gave me was real. The comfort I found in their moments was real. And the memories I made because of them will always be special to me. Hindi ko kailangang ikahiya na nasasaktan ako dahil naging parte sila ng happiness ko. JoongDunk, thank you for everything. Thank you for the moments that made me smile, for the memories that I'll always treasure, and for being part of my bl journey. Hindi ko pagsisisihan na naging fan ako ninyo. Even if things change, I'll always be grateful that I got to experience the happiness of being a JoongDunk fans. If I could go back to the beginning, I would still choose to support you two m because the happiness you gave me was worth it. I hope both of you find happiness in whatever paths you choose. As much as I wish things could stay the same, I know that I can't force anything to remain the way it used to be. I can only cherish the memories and slowly learn to accept the changes, even if I'm not ready yet. Maybe someday, I'll be able to watch your old videos without crying. Maybe someday, I'll see your pictures and smile instead of feeling this heaviness in my heart. But for now, I'm still hurting, and I need time to process everythin. Ang sakit kapag yung ship na naging comfort mo ay siya ring dahilan kung bakit gusto mong umiyak. Ang hirap tanggapin na minsan, kahit gaano mo kagustong manatili ang isang bagay, kailangan mong matutunang tanggapin na maaaring magbago ang lahat. For now, I'll let myself miss JoongDunk. I'll let myself feel sad, and I'll give myself time to heal. Hindi ko kailangang piliting maging okay agad. I can respect their decisions while still missing the moments that made me happy. And to myself, sana kayanin ko muna ang araw na 'to. Sana makapag-focus ako sa exam ko kahit ang bigat-bigat sa pakiramdam. No matter how much things change, I'll never regret the day I fell in love with JoongDunk. Thank you #joongdunk #jaidee #gmmtv - @vg_5555