10/22/26 — i hate feeling like this . im so selfish , i love my boyfriend but hes not *him*. its been almost 3 months since we broke up and i dont know why i cant get over it . he did . why cant i ?? i feel so unbelievably pathetic and i dont know what to do anymore . us being back in contact is hurting me but i need him . that one night replays in my head constantly , he held me while i cried and told me he still loved me , and that it was gonna be okay . i’ve never felt more loved in my entire life . i want him back , ill admit it . i feel so lost without him and im realizing how shitty i was and its making me so much worse . my current boyfriend is long distance ( like.. im in american and hes in europe …. ) and yeah i love him , but its not the same . he doesnt love me how i want to be loved . hes avoidant . im anxious . he constantly makes me feel like a pathetic fucking dog without even realizing it . its not his fault im like this hes not doing anything wrong , hes just not what i want . - @karkatvantasfartporn