@abanaturally: I know I love my kids. But if they had to judge only by how I talked to them today, would they know how much I actually LIKE them? Would they know I enjoy being around them? Or did most of my attention show up when they weren’t listening, were moving too slow, left something on the floor, or interrupted me? We can love our kids more than anything and still let most of what they hear from us sound like: “Put that down.”
“I already asked you.”
“Hurry up.”
“How many times do I have to tell you?” Then we wonder why the behavior that gets our quickest, biggest reaction keeps showing up. Children learn how to treat people by how they’re treated. When most of our attention goes to correcting what we don’t want, we miss the chance to model and strengthen what we do want. Here’s where to start: 1. Get curious about what they love. Ask about the game, the character, the song, the story you’ve already heard three times. Not to teach a lesson. Just because it matters to them. 2. Make affection part of ordinary life. A hug while you’re making dinner. A hand squeeze in the car. A kiss on the head as you walk past. It doesn’t need a reason. 3. Give them your full attention. Look up, phone down, listen until they’re finished. You want them to learn: when I talk, my parents want to hear it. 4. Say the good stuff out loud. We don’t hesitate to show frustration. A sigh, a sharp tone, a correction. Make sure they hear the other side just as often: “I love hanging out with you.”
“You make me laugh.”
“I’m so glad I get to be your mom.” When you say it out loud, they don’t just feel loved. They learn how to put their own love and gratitude into words. A child greeted with warmth learns to greet others warmly. A child who gets affection without earning it learns it can be given freely. We don’t teach children to be loving by telling them to be loving. We teach them by letting them grow up surrounded by it. It happens in the small moments all day long: I see you. I enjoy you. I’m listening. II’m glad you’re my child. P.S. If we haven’t met yet—hi! I’m Jenna. I’m a behavior analyst, teacher, and mom. I started this account to help parents and educators with practical, evidence-based strategies that actually work, so you can enjoy more peaceful days without constant power struggles. So if you’re looking for real-life, easy-to-follow tips (without the fluff), you’re in the right place!

Jenna, BCBA, NYSLBA, M.S.Ed

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Friday 23 October 2026 15:47:05 GMT