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Tuesday 27 October 2026 13:36:02 GMT
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One way we can cope with our own difficult feelings is to focus immediately on someone else. But when we hyper-focus on someone else when we ourselves are the one suffering, it can create an internal disconnect. People around us may feel really good at first that we can “see” them so deeply and that we can empathize with their experiences. But after a short while, it can start to feel icky. No one wants the finger pointed at them or even supported under the guise of our own projections. How we start to work with this externally-focused pattern is by beginning to notice when we become (overly) fixated on others. Instead of asking .. “what’s going on with that person?” .. we can benefit when we turn that inquiry back to ourselves. “Hmmmm .. I wonder what this is bringing up inside of me.” “I wonder if that quality I am hyper-focusing on actually has something to do with a part of me I am afraid to deal with.” Sometimes that will require us to leave the room if we are expending too much energy on someone. Sometimes we may have to spend time meditating alone to really get in touch with disowned parts of ourselves. Sometimes we may have to work with someone who can help us gently sit with our triggers without feeling the need the escape. Having a grounded partner (or friend) that can recognize this coping behavior in us and respond with care can also be extremely helpful. “I’m actually okay here .. but is something coming up for you?” Having that phrase spoken to us by someone during our projection can encourage us to look inward (without) feeling shamed. It’s up to us to choose if we’re willing to finally turn the mirror inward. It’s up to us to decide if we’re willing to own when we wrongly project on our loved ones. It’s up to us to take the courageous dive towards discovering what is underneath our defenses. And this process needs to be approached with gentleness and compassion so that we don’t end up repressing the very thing we are trying to face. // Silvy Khoucasian . . PS: The link to book a free consultation to explore working together is in my bio✨
One way we can cope with our own difficult feelings is to focus immediately on someone else. But when we hyper-focus on someone else when we ourselves are the one suffering, it can create an internal disconnect. People around us may feel really good at first that we can “see” them so deeply and that we can empathize with their experiences. But after a short while, it can start to feel icky. No one wants the finger pointed at them or even supported under the guise of our own projections. How we start to work with this externally-focused pattern is by beginning to notice when we become (overly) fixated on others. Instead of asking .. “what’s going on with that person?” .. we can benefit when we turn that inquiry back to ourselves. “Hmmmm .. I wonder what this is bringing up inside of me.” “I wonder if that quality I am hyper-focusing on actually has something to do with a part of me I am afraid to deal with.” Sometimes that will require us to leave the room if we are expending too much energy on someone. Sometimes we may have to spend time meditating alone to really get in touch with disowned parts of ourselves. Sometimes we may have to work with someone who can help us gently sit with our triggers without feeling the need the escape. Having a grounded partner (or friend) that can recognize this coping behavior in us and respond with care can also be extremely helpful. “I’m actually okay here .. but is something coming up for you?” Having that phrase spoken to us by someone during our projection can encourage us to look inward (without) feeling shamed. It’s up to us to choose if we’re willing to finally turn the mirror inward. It’s up to us to decide if we’re willing to own when we wrongly project on our loved ones. It’s up to us to take the courageous dive towards discovering what is underneath our defenses. And this process needs to be approached with gentleness and compassion so that we don’t end up repressing the very thing we are trying to face. // Silvy Khoucasian . . PS: The link to book a free consultation to explore working together is in my bio✨

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