@beyondawarenesstherapist: How many sessions have you spent revisiting the same boundary? Your client may understand exactly what to say and feel terrified of what happens after they say it. What did their experiences teach them would happen if they spoke up? Watch Part 2 for the conversation we need to have before calling a client “resistant.” For consultation, join me in the Clincal Thinking Room. It’s linked in my bio.

Ayana Okoye Brown :

Point blank. CBT seems so invalidating sometimes. "We need connection".

Aurea Maqueda :

Totally agree! I'm a intern at a school base wellness center at a high school and was given a client who last year worked on "how to start a conversation." This person has gone through an experience that has left her thinking that people dont want to approach her or be friends with her. Theirs so much healing to do, that how to hold a conversation with peers is the last thing we need to work on. Her experience left her thinking that their is something wrong with her, it literally broke her.

Laura-Lee :

So tired of hearing “you just need to be more confident”… “fake it till you make it”… that’s not the same as you believe you deserve it… the roots often need to be cleaned, repotted, then tended to

jkay194 :

Love everything you are saying!!

Whitney Lee Moeller :

100% also I'm living for that moment where you said "wherever the f animals be at" 😆 gold

Hey^all :

I love this! So once you have addressed the experiences that taught them those beliefs, then what? How do you move from insight to action?

It’s.your.favorite.jawn :

I love asking my clients “where did you learn that from?” Really gets the ball rolling on things so they can realize they learned a big lie!

Diorrdidon :

I love your way of explaining and thinking .

Pasha Tatiana :

I resonate so much with this and I think it’s why I was only able to go so far with my therapist because I needed to figure out how to regulate my nervous system and get to the root of why I felt the way I felt and when it started.

🧀🐀 :

This makes so much sense, it is wild to me that this is not the gold standard.

Rdub 🐳 :

Thank you for this. As a therapist who has trauma and been told their whole adult life (by various people) to just think positive….ugh. It just pisses me off. So when I’m with a client I really want to explore the why.

chelonibologna :

This is great! What I’m experiencing rn in my new boundary setting experience is what feels like an era of over protectiveness that results in a lot of defensiveness and stubbornness (this is what I see in myself, not criticism from others). I think it might be somewhat of a compensation for the years of abandoning myself, and boundary setting has become somewhat rigid. Takes a lot of work to unlearn self abandonment and finding the right balance of boundaries. I wonder how common it is to have a period of regressiveness when learning boundaries?

Iam_ElderSherrell🔺📚🧘🏽‍♀️🎶 :

I told my therapist I was never given the opportunity to say “no” growing up. I told her I don’t even know how. We are still working on it

Zanda Health :

Such an important reminder! 👏🤍Setting boundaries isn’t always as simple as knowing what to say. Understanding the fear and experiences behind it makes all the difference. Love how you’re bringing attention to this!

Bay :

I am currently working on boundaries and everyone is so mad at me for it. I realized that I only felt loved when I was going above and beyond for everyone. Now that I'm not, it's shifting my support system and that's scary.

Ash|Church&NonprofitOperations :

Tracy LIesemeyer :

I so appreciate the way you think about things… so insightful and deep! Thank you!😊

OBERON :

Exactly. If growing up you got effed up when you said no, then…….how you gon’ set a boundary??? This was an amazing analysis.

heather equality :

Yeeees

Lauren :

Saying AND accepting “no’s”. I’m child therapist, establishing “no’s” is actually something I encourage, do it resourcefully, developmentally appropriate, but after a certain age it just leads to higher anxiety by 9-13yos

byb :

Thank you for addressing this. CBT is so limited....Befriending and familiarizing ourselves with our brilliant nervous systems comes first. Love your videos. 💕

C O U R T N E Y 🧜‍♀️ :

Phewwww this is a soft spot for me and I am a counselor myself…. 😭

Dragancoaching :

Facts!!! Very helpful and tracks with what I’ve seen myself

B.Durr🩷✨ :

Whewwwwwwwww this is soooooo good!!!! I hope they hear you because this is my approach but get pointed back to being more clinal and not lean in to mindfulness

cliftonhill74 :

A bit of potty mouth, and a $h!t tone of practice wisdom- I love it!