@suckmytoesandcall: There is a particular smell that seems to find me whenever I am miserable, one that I cannot quite put into words or explain to anyone else. It arrives without warning, almost as though it has been waiting patiently for the moment I become unhappy enough to recognise it. I notice it in the quietest hours, when the room feels unfamiliar and my thoughts become particularly difficult to sit with. It is strange because I cannot tell whether the smell was there all along or whether my mind has somehow attached it to the feeling of being miserable. It reminds me of something I cannot remember, somewhere I cannot quite place, a memory that feels both distant and uncomfortably familiar. Sometimes I catch a faint trace of it and immediately feel transported into that peculiar state of sadness, as though an entire collection of unpleasant memories has been condensed into one invisible thing. I find myself trying to identify it, searching through old memories, familiar rooms and forgotten places, but nothing ever seems to match. It is not necessarily an unpleasant smell, either; that is what makes it so difficult to explain. It is simply there, accompanying the heaviness, settling into the atmosphere and making everything feel strangely nostalgic. I have begun associating it with those moments when I feel particularly disconnected from everything around me, when even the most ordinary surroundings seem to carry an unfamiliar sadness. Perhaps it is not the smell itself that makes me miserable, but the miserable feeling that makes me notice it. Either way, it has become an odd little companion to my unhappiest moments, something I recognise without understanding and remember without knowing where it came from. #depression #smell #nostalgia #death

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