@elly.psychologist: Being told again and again that you’re someone you’re not can slowly change how you see yourself. It might start with little remarks, often wrapped in humour, said to you or about you in front of others. You’re so cold. You’re so dramatic. You always have to have an opinion. Sometimes it goes further, with accusations of lying or being sneaky when you’ve done nothing of the sort, or being painted as the angry, unstable one in the relationship. Some people even borrow psychological language to describe you, turning a label into something that sounds like a diagnosis. This is often called character assassination, and it’s a quiet but powerful form of emotional abuse. What makes it so disorientating is that the traits they point to are frequently a response to how you’re being treated. When your boundaries are crossed, when you’re criticised, put down, shouted at or intimidated, of course you react. Then the reaction becomes the evidence. You get upset and you’re unstable. You pull back affection after being hurt and you’re cold. You want a bit of independence and suddenly you must be hiding something. The story gets turned around so that their behaviour disappears from view and yours becomes the problem. Underneath this kind of emotional abuse is a way of keeping control, avoiding responsibility and staying one step ahead, so that your feelings never have to be dealt with. Over time, many people start trying to fix the version of themselves they’ve been handed. They work on being warmer, go out less, swallow their anger even when they’ve been treated badly, try not to feel much at all, and slowly give up the parts of their life their partner doesn’t approve of. It looks like self-improvement, but it’s really emotional abuse doing its work, keeping you small and in line. One of the most grounding things you can do is to stop taking their description of you as the truth. Write down who you actually are, the qualities and strengths you bring, the skills you have, the kind of person you know yourself to be when you’re not being told otherwise. Coming back to that list can help rebuild the confidence and self-image this kind of emotional abuse wears away, and it often helps you see the wider pattern of manipulation for what it is Official accounts and resources: www.ellyanastasiades.com #emotionalabuse #emotional #emotionalabusiverelationship #relationshipabuse #abuse

Elly | Counseling Psychologist

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Sunday 01 November 2026 08:05:33 GMT