@youmeusalways: Let me confess something I don't love about myself. When I saw that post I got mad before I even finished reading it. "I just declined a marriage proposal from my boyfriend of 5 years, he's not what I want for a husband." Five years. Five. I read it on my lunch break and I kept thinking about him. Some guy who probably saved for that ring. Who probably asked her dad, who planned the whole thing, who had a speech he practiced in the car. Who spent five birthdays, five Christmases, maybe his whole late twenties sitting across from someone who had apparently known, at some level, that he wasn't it. And I know what people are going to say. She's allowed to say no. She dodged a bad marriage. Better now than after the wedding. And yes, you're right, she's allowed. Nobody should ever marry someone just because they feel guilty, and I'd never say otherwise. If that's what she realized, saying no was braver than saying yes. But that's not really what bothered me. What bothered me is how many of us do the same thing. We date people like a test drive with no plan to buy. I've done it. I once stayed with a guy for two and a half years knowing I'd never marry him, because he was kind and it was easy, and I didn't want to be alone during the holidays. I let him meet my grandmother. I let him believe in a future I was already privately rolling my eyes at. I told myself I was just "seeing where it goes." I knew where it went. I just didn't want to be the one to say it. And I think that's what's wrong with modern dating, and it's what the post captured so well. We've gotten so comfortable keeping people around for what they give us now, while quietly knowing they aren't enough for later. Everyone's holding out for someone better. Everyone's keeping one foot out the door. We're terrified of settling, but somehow fine with wasting someone's whole youth. When I finally ended things, he told me, "I wish you'd told me when I still had time to get over you." I've thought about that sentence a lot. To be fair to her, I don't know their story. Maybe he changed. Maybe she only figured it out when she looked at that ring. People do grow apart, and five years is a long time. All I'm saying is that if you already know, somewhere deep down, you owe them the truth while it can still help them. You don't have to love someone forever. But you do have to be honest about it. Not wanting someone for a husband is fair. Finding that out after five years of letting him believe otherwise is the part that perfectly sums it all up.

you, me, us… always

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Friday 06 November 2026 03:52:06 GMT