@elly.psychologist: You calmly tell your partner that something they did upset you, and they answer with something like “Well, I obviously can’t do anything right.” In a single sentence the conversation is no longer about what happened. It’s about how hard done by they feel. That kind of response is far more emotionally manipulative than it first appears, because it’s designed to stir something up in you. It takes a specific, reasonable point and turns it into an extreme you never said. You didn’t tell them they get everything wrong. You raised one thing because you wanted to sort it out and feel close again. But the moment those words land, your instinct is to correct them. You start explaining what you really meant, defending your intentions and justifying why you brought it up at all. And without realising it, you’ve begun comforting them. That’s the shift worth noticing. They’ve placed themselves in the role of the injured one, a role nobody put them in, and now you’re reassuring them while your original feelings quietly slip off the table. Their accountability has gone, the real issue has gone, and so has the reason you started talking. What makes this emotionally manipulative isn’t that they feel bad. Everyone feels defensive sometimes. It’s that their hurt is being used to take over the conversation so they don’t have to hear yours. With someone emotionally manipulative, the more you explain, the deeper you sink. One justification leads to another, a new point appears every time you answer the last one, and before long you’re lost in a draining, circular argument that leaves you exhausted and no closer to being heard. So the next time it happens, try not to defend yourself. You could gently bring it back once: that’s not what I said, I’m trying to tell you how I feel, do you want to hear it? If they keep twisting it, attacking you, denying any part in it or casting themselves as the victim, it’s okay to end the conversation and step away. Walking off isn’t losing the argument. It’s refusing to be pulled into an emotionally manipulative pattern, and protecting your energy for people who can actually meet you when you share how you feel. Learning to spot this early is often what stops it working Official accounts and resources: www.ellyanastasiades.com #emotional #manipulation #emotionalabuse #relationshipabuse #emotionalabusiverelationship

Elly | Counseling Psychologist

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Monday 09 November 2026 08:30:00 GMT