@snowy.coldwinters: i just dont understand why it had to be this way.. whyd he have to take the life out of me?.. why cant i be the same again? why cant i get better.. whyd i lose myself? i met this one person who helps me so much, without them i wouldve been gone already, im so grateful. but i didnt get better. i did get better, at least from the state i was in before i met them.. but will i ever be truly happy and full of life again?.. i cant do this anymore. once i say goodbye to them itll be like cutting off my lifeline, but im just wasting their time.. i feel like im hurting them- i dont want to hurt them anymore, i dont want to hurt anyone. They have such a good future ahead of them if i dont hold them back.. this live picture is probably the last picture of a band game. I love band- marching band, i wanted to do it thru out high school and college, but how can i think abt doing that when i cant even get thru a day without breaking down?.. i guess dreams will just be dreams.. im not really expecting anyone to read this or let alone even see this post, but if u do and your reading rhis rn i just want u to know that u can do so much w your life!! and to never give up. aha reminds me of like those sayings where ppl say to follow their own advice. im just looking around my room andat my bookshelf- i used to love reading, before i would get so lost in my thoughts that i couldnt even read anymore. I would read a page and then a phrase in that page would spark a scenario and then id js be lost in the scenario and be completely lost in the book.. i keep thinking about u again maxxie- omg hahah i js realized how crazy this is writing all this in a tiktok title. im such a loser. Maybe somene will see this. Maybe itll get flagged. Maybe if it does ill get help. But will that help even work? Nothing does. the due date for life is coming up.. each day is closer and closer. maybe I’ll be able to make it to January. Gosh every jaurary was so sad. ig itll he a good way to end things and put an end to the tradition. By makinf sure it never happens again.. or anything ever happens. But i dont want to do that.. but it feels like i have no choice.

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