@elly.psychologist: When someone takes over your thoughts, it can feel as though your whole day belongs to them. You replay what they said, rehearse what you might say back, check whether they’ve read your message, scroll back through old conversations and look for anything that might settle the feeling. Your mood rises and falls with them, and concentrating on anything else starts to feel impossible. It’s exhausting, but there’s a reason it happens, and understanding it is the first step to learning how to regulate your nervous system on your own. That constant looping is usually a sign that something feels threatening. Often there’s a gap between what the other person says and what they do, or something in the relationship simply doesn’t add up, and your mind keeps working to close that gap. Your nervous system reads it as danger, shifts into fight or flight and keeps searching for an answer that will make you feel safe again. So the aim isn’t to argue yourself out of it. It’s to regulate your nervous system so your body can find steadiness without needing them to provide it. Start by noticing the moment it begins. Catch yourself mid spiral and name it: I’m anxious, I’m fixated on this, and I’m choosing to interrupt it. Then remove what keeps setting it off. Put the phone in another room, mute their notifications, archive the chat. It’s tempting to believe you can read just one more message and stay calm, but each new piece of information tends to feed the loop until you end up acting from a place of panic. And if you do get reassurance from them, it can quietly teach your body that only they can calm you down, which keeps the cycle going. The urge to check can feel almost physical, and resisting it is hard. Finally, give your mind something solid to hold on to. Sit down with a pen and paper and plan your day in real detail. What matters to you right now? Work, family, friends, the house, a food shop, a call you’ve been putting off? Write it out hour by hour and include a few things you genuinely enjoy. It might feel pointless, but your thoughts will drift back to them again and again, and that written plan becomes the place you return to each time. Every time you choose to come back, you’re teaching yourself to regulate your nervous system without depending on someone else, and that gets a little easier with practice. Learning to regulate your nervous system this way won’t happen overnight, but it’s one of the kindest things you can do for yourself Official accounts and resources: www.ellyanastasiades.com #regulate #regulateemotions #nervoussystemsupport #nervoussystem #nervoussystemcare

Elly | Counseling Psychologist

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Tuesday 10 November 2026 08:40:00 GMT