Mbeki Says Since Ramaphosa Hasn’t Done Anything Good for the Country Since 2018, He Can Start Doing Good Today by Resigning JOHANNESBURG – Former President Thabo Mbeki has proposed a bold new development plan for South Africa: Cyril Ramaphosa should resign immediately. Speaking on a podcast that has become the unofficial waiting room for everyone who used to run the ANC and now just runs their mouth, Mbeki argued that after eight years of what he described as “a full-spectrum absence of positivity,” the single most useful thing Ramaphosa could still do for the nation is clear out his desk. “President Ramaphosa was elected in 2017 and took office in 2018,” Mbeki observed. “We are now in 2026. What has happened of a positive nature that you can point to? The economy goes down. Unemployment goes up. Poverty goes up. Crime goes up. The ANC’s support goes down faster than a Johannesburg traffic light. At this point, the most productive contribution he can make is to stop contributing.” Sources close to the former president say the idea came to him while he was reviewing a spreadsheet of national indicators and realised the only line still trending in the right direction was the number of times he has been asked for his opinion. Ramaphosa’s office issued a brief statement denying any intention to resign, which Mbeki’s aides immediately described as “the most consistent thing the presidency has done all year.” When asked whether he himself had any regrets about the period leading up to his own recall, Mbeki reportedly replied, “That was different. I was still producing growth. This is just producing press statements.” Political analysts say the proposal has at least one clear advantage over previous ANC renewal plans: it does not require a national conference, a top-seven retreat, or another commission of inquiry. It requires only that one man stop being president. Whether the suggestion will be taken up remains unclear. What is clear, according to Mbeki, is that after eight years of negative outcomes, the bar for a “positive development” has now been lowered to the point where simply leaving would count as progress. Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. Any resemblance to actual politicians, actual resignations, or actual positive outcomes since 2018 is purely coincidental and almost certainly accidental. - @themba.niceandeasy