@codependencykate:

UnicornCait :

As an autistic kid it was like “what tone am I using? What did I do? What’s a tone?

ztodc :

Tone policing is a great way to manipulate people

Big Tom :

No it’s actually about teaching respect.

Shattered Sorcerer :

No. This is teaching the lesson that while all feelings may be valid. All actions are not. And just because you have big feelings doesn’t mean you get what you want.

kitkat :

There are soooo many cycles I need to break it’s endless at this point. How am I gonna do it

YokaiYankee91 :

It's the "I'm not going to recognize your humanity unless you acknowledge and respect me as an authority figure over you first" mindset.

itsmeredithblakeparker :

Ehhh. You gotta teach kids that their tone matters, because it does in the real world. Perhaps we don’t cut off every single disrespectful tone used every time, but it’s not ridiculous to teach them how to communicate respectfully.

Nicole :

That sounds like a boundary. “I can’t listen to you when you’re yelling at me. When you talk to me quietly, I can listen.”

Paige Roxanne :

IvyRose :

Parents like to uphold their hierarchy to their kids. Thats why they police their kids tone.

hay :

Ugh my parents did so many of these things you talk about 😭 it’s affected my communication in my marriage which I’m working on. And my parents wonder why I get annoyed being around them for extended periods

Awakening :

✨️"Their behavior should not be a barrier to you understanding them."✨️"I accept you for whatever you are, this behavior is just a symptom of whats going on inside. So I want to hear what's going on inside." ✨

Angela :

This is the only way I was raised. Constantly. I’m 28 now and just got diagnosed with CPTSD. This is wild. How do we cope and heal from never getting the emotional safety we needed this whole time.

chemilyon :

I wasn’t allowed to express any emotions that weren’t neutral or happy at all. If I slightly sighed or stepped away for space or averted my eyes, it was considered disrespect and I was punished. I can’t understate how damaging that was to my wellbeing.

Meghan’s.Gypsy.Soul :

I don’t agree. I think children need to learn to use a decent volume and tone before they’re heard. They need that to become a decent human that functions in society. It doesn’t mean you’re not gonna give them the floor to tell you what’s up.

Ashley :

when my kids have a tone I can't understand ... that's what I tell them. it's not about "respectful" tone; it's about my brain literally not being able to understand the communication they're trying to give...other than being able to decode the emotion I am seeing. I tell them their words are important and it's important I can understand.

InSearchoftheAuthentic :

If it’s a lot I’ll say something like “hey, lets try that again. In stead of complaining, tell me what you need”My kid will usually “ahhh..okay. I’m tired/hungry/sick of this sick not fitting 😅“

Nyla_Saur :

my parents would say this to me and expect me to be emotionally regulated with a palatable tone when they were attacking me and using a negative tone.

brekkav :

what if you need to step away to regulate yourself (whining/screaming) before you can coregulate? is that harmful to them emotionally?

dotsoflove4 :

What?? You can teach respect and still love them. They can learn to respect and emotionallly regulate. Thats not a bad thing

Alana Varelas-Brooks :

My son struggles with tone and gets in trouble at school for it. How are we helping kids with their tone for outside the home situations?

Sarah🇨🇦 :

Yes!! Thank you for this. I argue with adults about this on this app all the time. Kids don't owe us perfect manners, they need our love and support as they grow and learn.

Jordanne 🇨🇦happiest outside :

How did you learn all of this. Can you air drop all this to my brain

toddy.the.fox :

Teaching when tone is innaporopriate is so important into raising them into adults though. If you talk to your partner/boss/friend/lady at the checkout in a tone that is going to cause upset, nothing will ever go right for you. If my kids come at me with a rude tone I tell them they cannot speak to me like that and tell them to try again in a nicer once. It’s not even about me, it also modelling to them how to say to another person ‘I feel disrespected and won’t let you speak to me in that fashion’