The Pottymouth Guru
Region: CA
Tuesday 18 August 2026 23:53:09 GMT
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nwmagnolia :
This was my experience of my ex. Precisely!! I spent 20 years trying to make sense of it, do better, work on myself and keep the family together. I finally had to stop. You explain it so clearly and so well!! How I wish I had had your advice way back when (and the advice you give in the 2nd part). And what continues to hurt still is that I cannot have a close friendship with him because if I say “ouch that hurt” for even the simplest thing, we go into full litigation. Lately the comebacks have been “but you said not to do that on X day” as if what will solve things is him getting a clear list (from me) of things to do or not do rather than learning to attune to me in the moment and/or not having his rigid good guy self totally collapse when I am pointing out a simple hurt that just needs a brief but genuine apology. Looking forward to the 3rd part on grief.
2026-08-20 02:00:43
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Cher :
Brilliant.
2026-08-20 06:34:56
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tasha💙travel :
this has happened to me and my sister. she has not talk to me in 9 months. no text, no call, no anything. i have reach out several times nothing! so painful.
2026-08-19 20:51:30
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Luke Elson :
🙋🏻♂️😔 and damaging relationally is an understatement.
2026-08-19 22:30:48
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Su :
It’s like the song “I’m a good person” from the show “crazy ex girlfriend”, you’re a good person so can’t do stuff that isn’t good, so you can stay a good person regardless of what you do, even if you’re human and have human traits and makes mistakes
2026-08-19 09:33:32
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∞revolving_evolutions∞ :
dude this is me and my ex to a t. they studied to be a therapist while we were together. but couldn't ever be see their impact cause they'd collapse into shame hard.
2026-08-19 13:35:53
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The Pottymouth Guru :
The part that gets me about this combination is that you can understand exactly WHY the other person is doing what they’re doing…and still be getting hurt by it over and over again. Understanding the pattern is important. But understanding someone isn’t the same thing as being able to have a healthy relationship with them. Part 2 next ❤️🤟🏻🌿
2026-08-18 23:56:27
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Courtney 🙃💜 :
i think people who have a disorganized attachment style (like myself) can swap the roles too. sometimes I am great at hearing my wife and what hurt her. sometimes I really suck at seeing outside of my own perspective this has been the most challenging part of learning to communicate in a healthy way. the most important lesson ive learned to work on my avoidance style is increasing my self esteem through positive self talk and affirmations of the qualities I know I carry. its not my wife's responsibility to make me feel like im good or good enough. its mine and ive learned how selfish it is to subconsciously put that burden on her.
2026-08-19 01:22:14
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Sheena Martin :
I do this really bad AND react badly when this is done to me.😭 When I hurt someone else I feel like TRASH. And I cannot understand why no one else seems to be as hurt when THEY hurt others. But I 10000000% see how this can lead to the knee-jerk of "BUT I WAS JUST HURTING AND I SWEAR I DIDN'T MEAN TO PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!😭"
2026-08-19 17:38:43
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Sylvia✨Soul Level Human :
“Omg I’m sorry that’s shitty. I can absolutely see how you were feeling lonely and you were excited to see me and were disappointed when I wasn’t able to come.” My husband says my apology is a non apology. wtf am I missing?? I was heartfelt! He told me not to come and encouraged me to stay home and take care of myself 3 times. He said he was being sarcastic and I read it wrong. Aita??
2026-08-19 23:55:11
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KylaMcGregor601🇨🇦 :
Can this be true of both parties at the same time? Like the “abandoned party” also hurt the “abandoning party” which led to the abandonment. At some point (hopefully after repair) should the conversation switch to the impact to the abandoning party? Or is that a separate conversation? (I’m so sorry if that made no sense)
2026-08-19 00:18:40
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LisaBW1974🇺🇲 :
This sounds familiar. I have gotten to the stop chasing point.
2026-08-19 18:16:04
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sophia garcia :
Me listening to this except it’s my parent that I’m stuck in this loop with
2026-08-19 12:38:21
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KaseyK1961 :
Bring me back
2026-08-19 11:20:23
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junsui212 :
In the book Secure by Amir Levine, he thoroughly explains that the avoidance deactivation strategies will ALWAYS cause disruptions and ruptures in the relationship, causing even the most secure person in the relationship to feel anxious. These deactivations (stone walling, distance, silent treatment) causes the nervous system alarms to go off, causing hyper vigilance and stress, therefore, an emotional escalation may happen to bridge that distance. To which the avoidant response is to disappear or shut down further. Though I agree that both parties have work to do (anxious/avoidant), but if the avoidant cannot learn to sit and be present with their partner’s discomfort without running away, then the relationship becomes a dead end.
2026-08-19 23:54:30
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